Tuesday, March 4, 2008
My duties as a Woman
My thoughts on March 17, 2007...
I received what may be considered by most of my peers to be a combination of forward thinking and somewhat archaic messaging about what my duties are as a woman. It is precisely this combination of messages that have formed me into a Woman who believes that it is my obligation to help other women reach their potential and stretch the limits of what the world believes to be possible.
I grew up with two very strong female role models. My Mother and my Grandmother. I encountered other strong women who made an impact on my life during my formative years. But none gave me more consistent messaging than my Mother and Grandmother.
What was the messaging?
Mother:
You can be whatever you want to be.
You are beautiful.
You are strong.
I fought for the right to learn what was before only allowed for men, you can do the same.
Your obligation as a Woman is to your children. You must sacrifice your desires for your children.
Grandmother:
You are a strong woman.
You must find a good man.
You must have a peaceful home
Let your man feel he makes the decisions.
Be involved and active in your community.
Who are these women?
My mother struggled as she was raised in a male dominant Eastern European culture in Queens, NY. Her grandfather was an abusive man and did not particularly like women, primarily my mother. She was not given the same opportunities as her brother and was consistently told she was less than or not as good as.
With no other message this strong spirit believed what she was told. My mother came into her own with the birth of her first child, a daughter, me. She stood up to the questions of doubt that my parents, poor and far from their families, would be able to manage a child so early in their marriage and youth. While the marriage did fail 7 years later my mother raised me with strength and conviction fighting against many odds.
My mother, who never completed college, always worked and always held what felt to me as a child to be professional jobs. We had an open home where we welcomed guests and I learned to let the guests eat first in case there was not enough food. In my teen years lack of food was no longer an issue and it was just a question if the leftovers were going to last one week or two.
My mother told me about her childhood and what she dreamed for me. She told me I was beautiful every day even through my very awkward pre-teen and teen years. She made me believe I could do or accomplish anything, and without having other messages, I believed her. I struggled in school, I struggled fitting into groups, I struggled with my religion and all the while my mother kept up consistent messaging, “Dafna, you can do and be whatever you want to be.” My quote in my high school yearbook is: If you will it, It is no dream, that is the message I received in one ear.
In the other ear lives my Grandmother. This incredible woman dropped out of High School, providing for her brothers to be able to remain in school, to help run the family grocery store after the sudden death of her father when she was 14 years old. She married just before WWII. Sent her husband off to be a medic in a not very Jew friendly part of the world. She conceived my Uncle during one of my Grandfather’s military leave visits. My Grandmother raised my Uncle for his first three years in the home of her mother-in-law, persevered against all odds and gave birth to my father shortly after my Grandfathers return from his Service. She put herself through school as an adult and became a teacher in the rough public schools of Philadelphia and received her Masters Degree when she was already a grandmother.
These were not easy times. This strong woman held it all together. That was her duty as a woman and this is what she taught me. You cook, you clean, you keep peace in the home. When you are done with that you work, you learn, you contribute to your community and you do all these things on a daily basis. As a woman you always have many balls in the air and, while juggling your own, you are also responsible for juggling the balls of those in your home. They are all ultimately your responsibility.
What did I hear?
Let’s face it; I hit the jack-pot when it comes to female role models. While I don’t do everything the way my mother or grandmother would have me do it, it is because of their consistent messaging to me that I have the strength to believe I can do it and I can do anything.
So what do I tell my daughter? I tell her she is beautiful, and she is. I tell her she is bright, and she is. I tell her she can be anything she wants to be, and she will. I should note, I tell the same to my son as he too deserves positive messaging as he grows and develops into the gentleman he deserves to be.
I have a drive. I have a mission. I have a duty. It is my obligation to pass the positive messaging I received onto the women in my community and the women in the world around us. I watch women every day who have been beaten down by life and by forces around them who told them they were not good enough. Unlike my mother, these women believe this message and make poor choices affecting their future. We must not allow this negative messaging to penetrate our sisters and our daughters.
How frustrated I become when I read about the lack of passage of seemingly slam dunk legislation that could wipe out HPV by giving our daughters vaccinations when they are 11 years old. Yet, we have a fear that by giving them this vaccination our daughters will become sexually promiscuous? Do we not realize that by not promoting vaccinations like these, by failing to protect our girls, we are telling them “You are not good enough. You are not smart enough. You are not strong enough to make wise decisions.” We are knocking them down.
Perhaps there is a lack of understanding on how to raise strong confident and competent women? If this is the case it is the responsibility of women who received positive messaging like myself, or those who have overcome negative messaging like my mother and those who come from a different world but understand that women have the capacity to make things happen, like my grandmother, to teach the law makers, the teachers, the religious leaders, the CEO’s around us about the strength and wisdom of women.
We must fight for equity in pay, in educational opportunities, in access to preventative health care. We must take responsibility as economists predict 60% of the workforce being female by 2010 that these women are the CEO’s and VP’s not only support services. We think we are so far forward from our mother’s and grandmother’s days in terms of equity for women and yet out of the 100 seats in the US Senate only 13 are held by women. With Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House we certainly have come a long way yet we still have miles to go before we rest.
Anyone up for a walk?
I received what may be considered by most of my peers to be a combination of forward thinking and somewhat archaic messaging about what my duties are as a woman. It is precisely this combination of messages that have formed me into a Woman who believes that it is my obligation to help other women reach their potential and stretch the limits of what the world believes to be possible.
I grew up with two very strong female role models. My Mother and my Grandmother. I encountered other strong women who made an impact on my life during my formative years. But none gave me more consistent messaging than my Mother and Grandmother.
What was the messaging?
Mother:
You can be whatever you want to be.
You are beautiful.
You are strong.
I fought for the right to learn what was before only allowed for men, you can do the same.
Your obligation as a Woman is to your children. You must sacrifice your desires for your children.
Grandmother:
You are a strong woman.
You must find a good man.
You must have a peaceful home
Let your man feel he makes the decisions.
Be involved and active in your community.
Who are these women?
My mother struggled as she was raised in a male dominant Eastern European culture in Queens, NY. Her grandfather was an abusive man and did not particularly like women, primarily my mother. She was not given the same opportunities as her brother and was consistently told she was less than or not as good as.
With no other message this strong spirit believed what she was told. My mother came into her own with the birth of her first child, a daughter, me. She stood up to the questions of doubt that my parents, poor and far from their families, would be able to manage a child so early in their marriage and youth. While the marriage did fail 7 years later my mother raised me with strength and conviction fighting against many odds.
My mother, who never completed college, always worked and always held what felt to me as a child to be professional jobs. We had an open home where we welcomed guests and I learned to let the guests eat first in case there was not enough food. In my teen years lack of food was no longer an issue and it was just a question if the leftovers were going to last one week or two.
My mother told me about her childhood and what she dreamed for me. She told me I was beautiful every day even through my very awkward pre-teen and teen years. She made me believe I could do or accomplish anything, and without having other messages, I believed her. I struggled in school, I struggled fitting into groups, I struggled with my religion and all the while my mother kept up consistent messaging, “Dafna, you can do and be whatever you want to be.” My quote in my high school yearbook is: If you will it, It is no dream, that is the message I received in one ear.
In the other ear lives my Grandmother. This incredible woman dropped out of High School, providing for her brothers to be able to remain in school, to help run the family grocery store after the sudden death of her father when she was 14 years old. She married just before WWII. Sent her husband off to be a medic in a not very Jew friendly part of the world. She conceived my Uncle during one of my Grandfather’s military leave visits. My Grandmother raised my Uncle for his first three years in the home of her mother-in-law, persevered against all odds and gave birth to my father shortly after my Grandfathers return from his Service. She put herself through school as an adult and became a teacher in the rough public schools of Philadelphia and received her Masters Degree when she was already a grandmother.
These were not easy times. This strong woman held it all together. That was her duty as a woman and this is what she taught me. You cook, you clean, you keep peace in the home. When you are done with that you work, you learn, you contribute to your community and you do all these things on a daily basis. As a woman you always have many balls in the air and, while juggling your own, you are also responsible for juggling the balls of those in your home. They are all ultimately your responsibility.
What did I hear?
Let’s face it; I hit the jack-pot when it comes to female role models. While I don’t do everything the way my mother or grandmother would have me do it, it is because of their consistent messaging to me that I have the strength to believe I can do it and I can do anything.
So what do I tell my daughter? I tell her she is beautiful, and she is. I tell her she is bright, and she is. I tell her she can be anything she wants to be, and she will. I should note, I tell the same to my son as he too deserves positive messaging as he grows and develops into the gentleman he deserves to be.
I have a drive. I have a mission. I have a duty. It is my obligation to pass the positive messaging I received onto the women in my community and the women in the world around us. I watch women every day who have been beaten down by life and by forces around them who told them they were not good enough. Unlike my mother, these women believe this message and make poor choices affecting their future. We must not allow this negative messaging to penetrate our sisters and our daughters.
How frustrated I become when I read about the lack of passage of seemingly slam dunk legislation that could wipe out HPV by giving our daughters vaccinations when they are 11 years old. Yet, we have a fear that by giving them this vaccination our daughters will become sexually promiscuous? Do we not realize that by not promoting vaccinations like these, by failing to protect our girls, we are telling them “You are not good enough. You are not smart enough. You are not strong enough to make wise decisions.” We are knocking them down.
Perhaps there is a lack of understanding on how to raise strong confident and competent women? If this is the case it is the responsibility of women who received positive messaging like myself, or those who have overcome negative messaging like my mother and those who come from a different world but understand that women have the capacity to make things happen, like my grandmother, to teach the law makers, the teachers, the religious leaders, the CEO’s around us about the strength and wisdom of women.
We must fight for equity in pay, in educational opportunities, in access to preventative health care. We must take responsibility as economists predict 60% of the workforce being female by 2010 that these women are the CEO’s and VP’s not only support services. We think we are so far forward from our mother’s and grandmother’s days in terms of equity for women and yet out of the 100 seats in the US Senate only 13 are held by women. With Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House we certainly have come a long way yet we still have miles to go before we rest.
Anyone up for a walk?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
